People are naturally destructive. They alter conversations, divulge pointless information, and spread toxicity in their wake. Such individuals don’t deserve polite treatment.
These folks rely on harmful behavior to gain something. To get their way in the face of countless odds, these individuals morph reality. They mutate a simple situation into an intense, prolonged issue. They partake in ridicule. They conveniently misunderstand basic circumstances. When another is wrongfully blamed, these people add false information to the fire.
Sound familiar?
Tweet ThisThey maintain one perspective throughout the life of an issue. This outlook is formulated long before the heart of the problem arises.
Ambitious, cunning, and crafty – these destructive individuals will not falter. They will do all in their power to reach success. They pay no mind to the harm that may be induced. No attention is given to the potential consequences. The aftermath is never given proper consideration.
Ultimately, these individuals do whatever they can to thrive. And they don’t deserve your politeness.
Reaching a goal through assertion is one thing. But those who reach success through destruction are ignorant of the toxicity they spread. Their attitude and entire being is maintained impeccably; void of noticeable weakness.
They view the world as inferior.
You know these people. You likely meet or talk to one each day. They are the clientele shouting at customer service representatives. People who demean restaurant servers because too much ice was put in their soda. They are the folks who can’t look past one flaw to gain a better view of a larger picture.
These are the people who don’t deserve your polite attitude. Here’s why.
– Respect Must Be Earned
Civility cannot be ignored. Social interactions require polite conversation. Yet not everyone deserves this treatment.
Respect must be earned, regardless of the situation. Relationships matter. The social bonds that tie you to another are pertinent to your growth. Yet you can only endure so much ridicule before it becomes toxic.
Sacrifice is necessary. In both your personal and professional life, you will be forced into unwelcome situations. You will be cornered into incidents you’d rather stay away from. You are often coerced to endure the undesirable.
Too often, you are placed in a group that seeps chaos. People you’d rather confront with a hearty dose of assertive feedback than play nice with.
Politeness establishes well-groomed relations – or so they say. Yet respect must be earned. Attitude matters. The better you treat your peers – regardless of their background – the more compassionate their behavior will be.
Respect matters. Those who ignore that fact don’t deserve your kindness.
– A Little Empathy Goes a Long Way
You won’t agree with everyone. 
Consider your surroundings – the people you interact with, every company program in which you participate, the city you call home. You come into contact with endless diversity each day. How could you possibly approve of everyone’s point of view?
Your clients may work higher paying jobs than you. In turn, this places them a bit higher on the social totem pole. But if one is more empathetic towards your situation, you will be more inclined to treat them with politeness.
People believe assertion or aggressive behavior will win them their due. With enough complaints, these folks trust their concerns will be reconciled. But the one who looks on you in a positive light deserves your kindness. Those who treat you with aggressive disrespect should be dealt with differently.
Be polite towards those who illustrate this quality in abundance. Be cautious around those who don’t.
– A Gracious Attitude Can Be Detrimental to Your Well-Being.
Is being polite a bad thing? Could nice behavior damage your personal progress?
Folks – there is such a thing as being too nice.
You may get more done with a little gratitude and polite conversation. But this behavior can bring you down. It can force you into a toxic relationship detrimental to your emotional and physical well-being. In turn, you may think too much of people. With optimism, you may view the rough edges of a person with a creative eye. Rather than concentrating on the bad behavior, you instead will focus on the possibility for change.
But let’s be honest – not everyone is worthy of your better judgment. Not all deserve your open, kind-hearted attitude.
Aggression shouldn’t force you into bending to the will of others. Fixing and solving problems for another may feel easy. Yet you shouldn’t give everyone the same treatment.
Clients, friends, acquaintances – they aren’t always worth your generosity. Too much politeness can lower your self-confidence. It will fashion you into a step stool, a person only used to achieve a larger goal. One who will solve issues to ease tension, but may not realize the personal consequences until much later. And by that time it will be too late. It will be far too late to take anything back.
You needn’t be passive. You don’t need to be polite all the time. A little assertion will get you far.
Not All Are Worth Your Kindness
Those who thrive on toxicity aren’t worthy of gracious treatment. These folks rest on destructive behavior to gain what they want. Regardless of your polite nature, there are certain individuals you should be cautious of.
Be wary of those ignorant of respect. Take care around people who socialize without an empathetic bone in their body. Don’t care for everyone. Remember: too much generosity can belittle your self-confidence, one blow at a time.
Spread optimism and generosity where you can. But only do so where it’s deserved. Not all deserve to be treated with a polite nature.
How do you assert yourself in the face of an ignorant peer?
Amazing article!
This is written very well. You’re very direct and obviously have insight!
Thank you!
I appreciate the feedback. 🙂
So accurate and witty… This alternative perspective makes much sense to me!…
Thanks for sharing… Best wishes!
Thanks for your input!
I’m so glad you enjoyed the article!
I often wonder if “politeness” was invented as a way to keep women in a permanent state of submission. I think it’s fine to be kind most of the time, but when people are rude to you, why put up with it? It’s so worth it to set boundaries. It’s okay to say no or walk away if someone treats you badly.
Alexis, your perspective is certainly worth considering. I hadn’t given submission too much thought, but the notion is tough to dismiss.
I agree with your idea of setting boundaries. Why allow people the opportunity to walk over you? I think this is a healthy way of caring for yourself in the face of toxicity.
Thank you for your thoughts! I appreciate your insight! 🙂
Very well written article but I still find it a bit too watered down. In more developed countries, people are not as rude compared to developing Countries in Africa. I am assertive by nature and will put a person to order if I find them disrespectful. My mom on the other hand is more chilled and always taking the peaceful path. Difference is, she most times end up getting treated disrespectfully and looked down upon and while I am always treated with regards. I also noticed that her peaceful and unconfrontational attitude affected the over all quality of her life where she’s had to cower for my other siblings who treat her with barely any respect. She would criticize my No Bullshit attitude and say I am too hot headed but guess what, I have been able to get myself way ahead in my business and personal life in a male prefered society.
What am I implying?
I believe a being polite but firm. I believe if someone does not reciprocate your respect, do not regard them either. It takes a well personally developed individual to accept respect and extend it back, so if a person is incapable of doing such, treat them the way the really are asking to be treated, with no regard. Result? They take you seriously, they may hate you but they will deep down regard you above everyother person treating them with politeness. Just the way the world works sometimes.
Hi, Katia. Thank you for your feedback on this article!
As for your point, I fully agree with you. Different cultures often demand different qualities of us as individuals. I can certainly understand why your assertive nature has gotten you far. I’m not condemning assertive personality types. As I’ve grown, I’ve found that being assertive when the situation demands it – which, let’s be frank, happens often – has helped me grow as a woman, in both my personal and professional life. Your motto of ‘being polite but firm’ is something we should all remember and utilize in life.
This article was written with less assertive individuals in mind; the types who get walked over because their kindness is taken advantage of. I published it because I know far too many folks like this – myself included! – who tend to kill people with kindness in the hopes that it’ll get them further in life. Obviously, this isn’t the case, which is part of the article’s point. Again, I think your assertive nature and forward attitude is a breath of fresh air, something we should all aspire to, especially as women trying to push ahead in a patriarchal society.
Again, thank you for your honest thoughts on this piece. I appreciate your opinion! It’s actually been quite a while since I’ve looked back on this article – thank you for bringing it back to my attention!
– Shelby
Thank you Shelby.
I must say it took me a while to find your article as there are soo many articles out there promoting extremely polite confrontations that most cases aren’t effective, especially when dealing with Narcissistic personality types. So thank you for challenging the Status Quo and writing on this topic a lot of people are too uncomfortable to speak about.
Cheers!
Katia,
Yes, you’re right in that respect – there are a ton of articles on the web that offer similar ideas. Still, I’m glad you found my little corner of the web and took something away from my article. 🙂
Thanks, again, for reading and giving your opinion!
– Shelby