Finding your match is no easy feat. We go through life searching for the one. We continue our regularly scheduled programs as best we can while simultaneously dreaming of the right person. We keep pushing, all the while hoping that the person who will eventually complete us will come along.
When it takes time, this search feels wasted; impossible, even.
But then, when you least expect it, you find that person. You find the one who matches you; the one who helps you cultivate life to its fullest. It doesn’t always happen in the most desirable of circumstances. Some find each other and lose one another just as quickly. And then, after years of wondering, they suddenly find each other, again – unannounced and unexpectedly.
In the best cases, it feels like time hasn’t passed at all.
Some find their match young. At 18, while being told to focus on their career rather than marriage, they find the one. Some find their person in the heat of the moment, while on a career high, and can’t give those feelings the opportunity they need to bloom.
However long it takes, whatever obstacles you must go through to find this person, just know that it’s okay. It’s okay if this process takes time. And remember that somewhere out there is a person that fits you perfectly.
Here are 4 signs to watch for when you think you just might have found your match.
1) Your morals line up – if not perfectly, at least closely.
Couples who don’t work out tend to not mesh because of one major difference – their morals. It sounds like a cop out, a way to bring more closure to a breakup or a divorce. But it’s true. Your morals define you. They are the cosmetic makeup of your soul. They can cause a faithful employee to leave a position for something much different. They can end friendships. They can even stop a family from dining at a specific restaurant chain.
When your partner has drastically different views than you, it’s not easy to feel good about yourself. It becomes tough to feel like you can be who you are and love yourself for it. Why? Because the person you spend the most time with cares about something that you disagree with.
It’s not easy to maintain a relationship where your views on education, gun safety, foreign policy, and even the economy differ. Some opposing perspectives can be dealt with, sure. If you and your partner are strong enough, these differences of opinion can merely be a small hurdle. But if these differences turn into something larger, it will only make your life that much harder.
Surrounding yourself with people of varying perspectives is one thing. But your partner should be at least somewhat aligned with you. You need to be in sync. If you aren’t, when it comes down to the wire and you must choose between one difficult option over another – like whether or not you should have children – this discrepancy could, and probably will, tear you apart.
If you’ve find someone with like-minded morals and ethics, keep them close. And know that you have probably found your match.
2) Your ideas of a ‘good time’ are similar.
Sometimes, romantic partners are just that – romantic partners. In these cases, the day-to-day grime has no bearing on the rest of the relationship. But for most of us, whether you’re married, engaged, or dating long-term, the whole package matters.
When you’ve found your match, you’ll find that your ideas of a fun-filled Friday night are similar. Now, this won’t be the case all the time. There will be nights where one of you will want to go out and the other will prefer to stay in. But you’ll find that your ideas of a good time are close, if not identical.
This allows you to spend more time with one another. It helps you live just a little bit better with the person who matters most you right by your side. If you both can read quietly together on the couch – that’s great! If you both enjoy socializing and meeting new people, make it a point to go out once a week together.
The one thing that will cause you problems is this: unaligned pastimes.
Now, that doesn’t mean that it’s not okay to spend time alone. You can hang out with your friends on a Saturday night and he can watch football on Sundays with the guys. It’s okay if you like to hike and your partner prefers playing video games. But you should have at least a few major commonalities when it comes to your hobbies. It will keep your relationship healthy and active. And, perhaps most importantly, it will keep your lives in sync.
3) You feel completely at ease with and around this person.
If you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around your partner, get out now. Seriously – do it. Your match should make you feel at ease. This person should help you feel comfortable when you feel anxious. He or she should heal your inner-chaos and should provide for you something that no one else can – comfort.
You can’t live well if the person you spend the most time with makes you feel distraught over the smallest of things. Your well-being will only suffer if this person makes you feel lousy after you forgot to take the trash out. Your happiness will falter if this person causes you to feel any sense of doubt or insecurity.
This person, the one who chooses to travel life by your side, will be a breath of fresh air on a rainy day. He or she will make you feel invincible. This person will help when life gets tough. They won’t step out when chaos hits and it feels like you both must climb to the top of a damp well to see even a mere glimpse of opportunity.
This person won’t leave you to deal with the mess when finances become too heavy of a burden. They will make you feel like you can do anything. And, perhaps most importantly, this person will make you feel comfortable – always.
If you can’t be yourself around this person, they aren’t worth it. There is someone out there for everyone. Make sure you’ve found the one who deserves you and lets you be your true self.
4) You can’t imagine life with anyone else.
This takes time. It takes time to understand whether you’ve found the one person you’re meant to be with. It takes patience to determine whether you’ve truly found your match. But when you do, you’ll realize it in abundance.
Eventually, you’ll come to the realization that life would be dull without this person. You’ll realize that everything life has to offer wouldn’t matter in the least. You’ll realize that life wouldn’t be nearly as meaningful without this person by your side. You will find yourself laughing at the little things. You’ll find yourself able to carry on when life gets tough and debt hangs in the balance.
You’ll find that in the midst of it all, regardless of whatever battle you have to fight, it’ll be easier to tackle because you won’t be alone. You’ll have the person you’re meant to walk through life with next to you – helping, guiding, and supporting you every step of the way. And that, folks, is something worth aching for.
That is a relationship worth pursuing.
You’ll find that you’ve met your match when all feels right with the world regardless of the chaos you face daily. Why? Because you will have this person by your side. You’ll find that imagining life with anyone else feels completely inconceivable and that ultimately, the best has already walked into your life.
Have You Met Your Match?
It isn’t easy to find this person. Some wait patiently, passing through the years with angst hoping their match will come along. Others find their person with ease, early in life, not having to wonder or worry for long.
Regardless of how long it takes, finding this person won’t happen when or how you expect.
You will find your match despite your life choices, amid something terrible or at the end of something great. However it happens, it won’t be easy and it won’t be as simple as noting – ‘Oh, they like books, too! We must be a match.’
Life isn’t that easy.
Just because you find you’re compatible in some areas doesn’t mean you’re truly the right fit. But there are a few noteworthy ways you can tell you’ve met your match. When your morals line up and you both feel like a fun weekend is a hike to the nearest waterfall, you might have found the right one. But perhaps more importantly, you will know. How? Because you will feel at ease with this person. And eventually, you won’t be able to imagine life with anyone else.